


I'll Be Your Memories

by Phanarchy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Gay Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:44:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phanarchy/pseuds/Phanarchy
Summary: Dan is taking an important YoungMinds position in America. Phil is staying behind to take care of Catherine. Their relationship is over, but that doesn’t mean they can’t say goodbye.





	I'll Be Your Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted to my Tumblr on Mar. 11th, 2018. If you'd like to give it some notes, it can be found [here!](https://phanarchy.tumblr.com/post/171780489388/ill-be-your-memories)
> 
> You can also follow me at [phanarchy!](https://phanarchy.tumblr.com)

The decision was made. It was over.

They were over.

Phil couldn’t bear to look at Dan’s cheeks, all tear-stained and red. His bottom lip was cracked open where he couldn’t stop biting throughout their argument, which wasn’t really an argument. They were in agreement that it was time.

Dan had been trying to break out of YouTube for a long time now. It wasn’t the life he wanted anymore. So when YoungMinds offered Dan the position to start up their sister campaign in America, he accepted instantaneously. He didn’t expect Phil to stay behind.

Dan reached out to touch Phil’s shoulder, gently caressing up to his neck. He wasn’t mad at him, not anymore.

They’d had their fights about it already. That Dan was abandoning Phil, that Phil was being short-sighted when he said it would be too hard to make long distance work. Dan particularly regret, like a spear through his heart, telling Phil he was not being loyal because he chose to stay back to help Catherine, whose health was fading by the day.

Phil was being a good son. Dan was chasing a dream.

That didn’t mean the love was gone. If anything, Dan appreciated Phil all the more.

Phil leaned his head down until Dan’s hand trailed up from his neck to his cheek. He nuzzled into it, considering how it might be the last time.

“So, after tonight?” Dan asked aloud.

“I think after you get on the plane tomorrow,” Phil answered.

Phil didn’t want to say it. At that point, they would be broken up. Single.

“I will always love you,” Dan said, sniffing loudly to keep the tears behind his eyes this time.

“I love you too.” Phil raised his hand to flatten Dan’s hand more firmly, so his jaw was cupped in just the right way to make him feel safe, home.

Dan’s mouth crashed into his, and Phil could taste the copper of blood on Dan’s chapped lips.

Phil recoiled a bit, hesitant at the gesture of affection when they were shouting just half an hour ago.

Dan pulled back when he sensed the uncertainty bubbling underneath Phil’s skin.

“I just thought that,” Dan began explaining, “I thought that if I’d known the last time was our last time, I would have paid more attention to you.”

Phil’s shoulders relaxed a bit at that, but his heart sank into his stomach. The last time.

Dan was grabbing at Phil’s hand now and bringing it gently up to eye level, placing gentle kisses on each fingertip between deep sighs and heavy breaths. Phil let out a light whimper at the sensation and stepped into Dan’s space.

He wrapped his arms around Dan, taking in the smell of his shampoo and body spray, committing to memory the exact way the scents combined to make his mind shout Dan.

Dan slipped his arms back around Phil and let himself trace the slender muscles of his back. He shuddered against Phil’s chest as he exhaled.

“It’s gonna be okay, Dan,” Phil reassured him. They both knew that he was lying.

Phil brushed through Dan’s curls anyway, kissing his forehead, and cheekbones, and nose, and lips again.

He meant the kiss to be sweet and soft, but the ache in his ribs kept it painful, and Dan began quickening the pecks until he was insistent. In all their years together, Phil could never resist him.

“Can we, just for tonight, pretend this isn’t happening?” Dan asked. The desperation weaved in and out of his voice as he spoke.

“Yeah,” Phil answered, nodding his head. He slid his palms gently over Dan’s biceps, appreciating how his self-care routine strengthened his arms along with his mind. Phil ran his fingers over the soft knit sweater.

Phil was used to taking the lead, to directing. It had been the dynamic for most of their relationship, but today he felt like he’d rather follow. He didn’t have it in him to give. He moved Dan’s hands to hold his hips, and wrapped his around the back of Dan’s neck, massaging him gently. Phil was only shorter by an inch, if that. But he felt little, protected, with Dan wrapped around him.

“Let me take care of you for once,” Dan said. He moved to unbutton the collar of Phil’s shirt, going slowly and taking it all in. The stubble just visible above Phil’s lip, and the yellow flecks in his eyes.

“I need you, Dan.” Phil’s heart stuttered in his chest. There had been a few times where Phil had been this vulnerable, but he was much more comfortable being the one to hold it all together. Dan continued with the other buttons as he leaned into Phil’s ear.

“You’re going to be incredible,” he whispered. Dan skimmed the silky hair on Phil’s chest. With his shirt now open, Dan guided Phil by the small of his back toward the bedroom.

Phil bumped against the chest at the foot of their bed, the one that held miscellaneous props that, if they were honest, hadn’t been used in years but they kept for the sentimentality. He allowed himself to lay down, spread out across the duvet.

Dan leaned over him, encompassing Phil’s entire slim body with his own. He steadied himself with his knees on either side of Phil’s hips, resting his bum in his lap, and his elbows on either side of Phil’s shoulders. He bowed over him so that their chests touched. Dan kissed Phil’s neck lightly, peppering them from collarbone to just underneath his ear lobe.

Phil could feel his body responding, his heart racing and his breaths speeding up. With the familiarity of Dan’s weight on him, he could just about forget that this was goodbye.

Dan bit his ear lobe softly, letting a warm breath fog up the rest of his ear as he brushed all down Phil’s torso, gripping just where his hips juts out sharply. With Dan touching just above the waistband of his pants, Phil felt every nerve ending in his skin come alive.

“Dan,” Phil said, running his fingers through his own fringe until it resembled a quiff, lost on what else to say or do.

“I’m here,” Dan responded simply. He took Phil’s jeans and undid them, popping the button open with ease. Phil hummed at the release of pressure on his twitching penis.

He scrambled underneath Dan to escape his short-sleeve the rest of the way, tossing it to the side when he was free of it. He toyed with the hem of Dan’s shirt, admiring the line of skin showing just above his skinny jeans.

Dan was pretty fit lately. He wasn’t ripped, probably never would be, if his love of pizza was anything to go by. Still, a bit of exercise had done him well, and Phil licked his lips unconsciously as he took in the taught flesh.

Dan grinned and gripped the shirt behind the neck, leaning back on his feet so he can remove it in one quick motion. He sat back gently, grinding himself down on Phil’s hard dick.

It escalated quickly, with Dan circling faster, searching for friction behind his tight black jeans. Too much too soon for Phil, who was nearly entirely exposed.

“Take them off,” Phil said, needy. Dan obeyed, standing beside the bed and wiggling out as far as he could, stripping each pant leg off his feet and tugging his boxer-briefs off with them. Phil let his gaze wander all over Dan’s naked form. He wanted to take a picture with his mind. He was certain that if he just stared long enough, he’d remember each freckle and the exact shade of his hair leading from his navel downward.

Phil knew he’d remember Dan’s cock too. The way it stood, its gentle curve when he was almost fully aroused.

Dan wasted no time, sauntering over to Phil once more and pulling down his jeans and pants as well. They matched now, equally bare. When Dan laid back on top of Phil, nestling between his thighs, Phil couldn’t help but whimper. He allowed the room for Dan to think he made the noise in pleasure, but really it was at how natural he felt being naked with Dan. How right.

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” Dan said to him, his voice low and sultry. He was deflecting, and Phil knew it. Pushing off the inevitable as long as he could, but Phil was only grateful for it.

Dan placed a kiss to his chest, slowly licking with just the tip of his tongue until he reached the pink nipple and grazed it with his teeth. He sucked on it gently, just enough to get Phil arching his back, his cock tensing up. Dan reached down with his left hand and wrapped it finally, finally, around Phil’s thickness. He stroked lightly while he reached his right hand to meet Phil’s by his head, entwining their fingers together and pressing their fist into the sheets.

Phil panted into Dan’s neck, nipping at him any time he could catch it. His balls were tightening, too soon. It felt so good, but not yet. He wanted this to last.

“Stop, stop,” Phil said as he held back moans. Dan took his hand off him completely, and Phil relaxed back into the bed. “Lube… want all of you tonight.”

Phil watched Dan roll away, reaching as far as he could with his long arms to the bedside drawer. His position revealed his round bum, and Phil had to shut his eyes against the memories of himself spreading Dan wide and taking him, claiming him.

Dan turned back and clicked the cap open.

“Flip over,” he instructed, dripping a generous amount of lubricant over his three fingers and sliding them together to coat them well.

Phil turned over, gripping the plush faux fur of Dan’s blanket, and pushing himself up onto his knees.

Dan sat behind him, leaning back on his heels, and softly massaged Phil’s hips as waist as he ran his cool wet fingers between Phil’s cheeks and over the tight ring of muscles. He shhhhed as Phil quivered under his touch.

Dan slipped one finger in easily, and pushed it in and out with a slow and steady rhythm. It took only moments for Phil to respond to each thrust with a rock backwards. When Dan pressed his second finger in, he was met with resistance, but Phil was eager.

“It’s not too painful,” Phil said reassuringly. “Please, I need to feel you.”

Dan obliged, pushing in until all his knuckles disappeared and Phil was keening. Out of pleasure or of sadness, Dan wasn’t entirely sure. But it was clear Phil wanted him to keep going. He spread his fingers as wide as he could, preparing Phil as he teased his prostate.

Phil tried to focus just on the sensations Dan was bringing him, but he couldn’t snap out of his mind. The pleasure and the mourning were inseparable. Each wave of electricity felt like a whispered I love you. Having Dan inside him, feeling him encompass him from above and tug at him from within, knowing this was their last chance, felt like a spiritual connection to Phil.

Dan added a third finger and Phil only rocked himself backwards, harder against the pain. He needed it, the way it kept him grounded to reality. To now, where he and Dan were together and in love.

Dan smoothed more lube over his own aching cock, needing this just as much. He was trembling with want, to fuck into Phil and make him feel alive. He just wanted Phil to smile again.

Dan reached around to pump Phil’s red, swollen cock a few times just before angling himself and pressing his tip against Phil’s ass, squeezing against the emptiness, begging for Dan to return to him.

As Phil felt Dan breach his body once again, he noticed the first tear roll down his cheek. It caught in the corner of his mouth and he could taste the salt.

Dan felt good, blissful beyond belief. He gripped the blanket tighter as he choked out sobs.

“Dan,” he cried. “Oh god, Dan.”

He sniffled, and Dan slowed down behind him.

“Phil?” Dan asked, noticing the tear stains on the pillow below his face.

“Don’t stop,” Phil pleaded, reaching back to search for Dan, to assure him that he would be okay.

“Baby, turn over.” Dan pulled out of him. Phil did as he was told, laying on his back once again and facing Dan. He tried to hide his eyes behind his fringe, much too short to be any help anyway, but Dan brushed his hair out of his face and kissed his tears away.

Dan trailed his hand down Phil’s stomach to where his cock stood throbbing, and he teased it as he slid back inside him.

Phil moaned as he felt Dan run across his prostate. Encouraged, Dan quickened his pace and thrust up into him in short bursts.

Phil was getting close again, his orgasm just on the periphery. He could feel the endorphins flooding his body, and they made him feel high. His tears fell in gratefulness. He had Dan. Not forever, but he had him for years, and he had him tonight.

And that was enough. It had to be.

He whimpered as the ecstasy drew even closer. He was just on the edge. It was so good. So good.

“So good,” he managed.

Dan’s thick cock spreading him and he felt so full as he was pounding head-on into his prostate. He needed, something. He wasn’t sure what, but he looked into Dan’s eyes in desperation.

“I’ve got you, Phil” Dan said, lifting his leg over his shoulder.

That’s what it was. The connection that sent him over the cliff and tumbling down.

Phil was coming, hard. His balls contracted, spurting his semen between them. He yelled out for Dan as his orgasm wracked his body over and over again. He bit his hand to muffle his own cries.

Dan was driven to pump harder by the fluttering of Phil’s ass, surrounding his cock and he needed his own release. He felt Phil squeezing in all around him and he tipped over too, shooting his own cum deep into his partner, allowing himself to think, just for a moment, that it meant they’d be a part of each other forever.

As his own waves of pleasure subsided, and he felt himself going soft inside Phil, Dan pulled out and ran his hand across Phil’s cheek once again. The tears had dried, and were replaced by an expression somewhere between acceptance and content.

Dan had to kiss those lips quirking into satisfaction.

“Thank you, for everything,” Dan said.

“Thank you,” Phil returned, and giggled as he eyed the cum on their bodies.

—-

Phil squeezed Dans hand tighter as they approached the gate.

“I don’t think I can do it,” Dan said. Everything in his body was telling him to run, to never come back.

“That plane is leaving, and you’re gonna be on it,” Phil encouraged him.

They discussed this. This was for the best. There was no backing down now.

“I can’t, Phil.” Dan stomped his foot resolutely, but he knew it was all a show. He would board the plane. They had already said their goodbyes.

Phil leaned in to whisper.

“You’re gonna be incredible, Dan.”


End file.
